


Maybe I Am

by TheAverageDorkYoudExpect



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Established Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Misconceptions, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 11:38:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16722627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAverageDorkYoudExpect/pseuds/TheAverageDorkYoudExpect
Summary: Jeremy realizes some harsh truths and tries to get Michael to see them too. He may or may not be misguided.





	Maybe I Am

**Author's Note:**

> It's been so long since I've posted anything. So of course I don't post any of the many, many drafts I've had in progress for months, I write something new entirely. I cried writing this but that might be just because I'm overly-emotional right now. Partially based on real doubts and insecurities (yayyyy :')) (hint: Mr. Heere was my parents)

“‘But if he’s better than ever now because he has a boyfriend, what happens when that boyfriend’s not there anymore?’”

Michael gaped. “That’s what he said?”

I winced at Michael’s hurt expression. It was always the eyes that got me. “Yes.”

He smiled faintly, despite the pain, like he always did. “Then we’ll just have to stay strong forever to prove him wrong, right Jer?”

I frowned, not able to share in his positivity. “Our relationship was destined to fail before it even began.”

“Did he say that too?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m saying it. It’s kinda true, isn’t it? It’s naïve to think we’d last forever.”

He laughed nervously. “It kinda sounds like you’re breaking up with me.”

“Maybe I am.” My eyes flit down before I had to watch him break. “You have to know that I don’t want to. These last few months have been the happiest time of my life. And I mean that, Michael. But he’s right. If we’re gonna end up breaking up anyways, we might as well do it now. I’d rather save myself the pain later-” I broke off, mouth dry.

I finally looked up at Michael and he had already caved in on himself, tears glistening from under his glasses frames and hands clenched so tight they started turning pale. “Wouldn’t you?” I finished the thought, almost begging him to agree, but the seemingly innocent question struck him like a silver bullet.

He whimpered like a helpless child and it was heart-wrenching. I wanted to scoop him up in my arms and never let him go.

Michael sniffled, meeting my gaze, brown eyes still bright with dampness. “I love you, Jeremy.” His voice broke. “I  _ love  _ you.”

And... we’d never said it like that before. Of course I loved him before we were dating. But it was different then. So much less was at stake. But again, I really, truly loved him back then and I… I guess I love him now.

My vision started to blur along the edges. “I love you too Micah.” The emotional side of my mind was screaming at me because I was never this open and honest with anyone, not even my dad.

Michael laughed, softly at first before it bloomed into full, watery giggles. “Jeremy!” He leaned forward and kissed me on both cheeks. “I love you!”

It was too much, to go from the somber mood to  _ this  _ all at once. I gently shoved him off of me and pushed off from the bed, pacing my room.

Michael was almost speechless. “Wha-? What’s wrong?”

I stilled, fixating my gaze on tiny imperfection on the wall where something had once hung. I said nothing in return and it went silent except for the occasional sniffle. 

“Don’t you get it Michael?” I forced out, still facing the wall, feeling my heart begin to tear at the seams. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“No, I don’t get it.” his tone was harsh but it lowered, pleadingly. “You said you loved me.”

“Yes, I did. And I do. But I have to end this before it ends itself, Michael. High school relationships never last.”

He stood up, the bed creaking as he did. He crossed the room and turned me to face him, holding my face tenderly. “We can be the exception.” It was so soft and certain that I almost let myself believe it.

“No, we can’t.” I said, being ever the pessimist. He fell back, sighing. He’d never convince me and he knew it. The thorns of my beliefs had already grown around me, fastening me to my fate.

I leaned up and kissed him, pouring out everything I had- the love, the pain, the frustration with society- before I broke it off, once and for all.

I took his hand and walked him to the front door and he followed me blindly, never once asking where I was leading him.

“I love you Michael. Goodbye.”

I left him on my stoop.


End file.
